Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
