what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
