That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
