My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
