I just cut my nipple shaving
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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