well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
