i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
