i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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