I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
