i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We got so high we made milksteak
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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