She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
