dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
