Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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