I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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