Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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