Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
