my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
