As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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