Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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