"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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