I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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