Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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