Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
