shes about as inviting as chlamydia
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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