so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
