Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
