My sheets look like a crime scene.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
