so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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