Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
