dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
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