I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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