I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
