I bet he comes in French.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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