just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
