I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
