I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Found the puke drawer
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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