you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
