I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
