Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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