No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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