And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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