There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
