Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
