Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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