Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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