I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
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