I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
