Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
