also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
