I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Everything about him screamed your future.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
