Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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