dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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