hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just google imaged poop.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My feet surprised me
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
