She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
