I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
