Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
