I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
